Gettin' Smokey in the Wild Wild West

Guest Columnist: Lee Schechter  

Guess who’s back. Back again. Meat smoking guy. Tell a friend. No, seriously, tell a friend, this article is about to go big…

Continuing in my adventure through “Smoky Paradise,” as I call it, I decided to go big with a meat that I had never attempted before. I draw my inspiration from a magical place in the world. Good guess, but no, “Smoky Paradise” is not the most magical place in the world. My inspiration comes from Disney World. Think, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, Country Bear Jamboree, and my personal favorite, Splash Mountain. Yes, that’s right, I have found my smoky laughing place in Frontierland.

As a young lad, my family vacationed to Disney World regularly and a tradition was born.

Me: Hey Dad, Frontierland?
Dad: You bet, my boy.
Me: We have to get some SMOKED TURKEY LEGS!
Dad: Way ahead of you, son.
Me: Hell yeah!

After years upon years of deprivation from the smoky goodness of the Wild West, I decided to find my inner frontiersman, get wild, and shout to the world yet again, “MHMMM TURKEY LEGS.” So here is my kickin’ it old school rundown on making the perfect smoked turkey legs. While Frontierland holds a warm spot in my heart, (or maybe that’s just all the smoked meat I’ve been eating, hmmm… probably should get that checked out…) I think I got really creative and well, move aside Disney, there’s a new Wild West sheriff in town and it ain’t big enough for the both of us.

You know what else ain’t big enough? My smoker. Damn, I really have to get myself a new one because 30 pounds of turkey legs becomes quite difficult to assemble into an average size smoker. All right Tex, time for some sharpshooting in smoking turkey legs.

Tip #1: Get a lot of turkey legs.

Buy a lot of turkey legs. Share with your friends. Go crazy. Get buck wild.

Tip #2: Simple, yet defined.

Make a simple, yet defined rub. Turkey legs are all about the smoky flavor. So do not, I repeat, do not go overboard. I used a simple blend of chipotle powder, paprika, chili powder, and brown sugar. The brown sugar is very key because it counters the spicy smokiness of the rub.

Tip #3: Cherry.

Use cherry wood. It won’t overpower the meat, but it will provide the perfect amount of smoky finish.

Tip #4: Smoke those legs. They want the smoke.

About four hours is all that is needed. Smoking is key and make sure they get that smoky flavor. Channel your inner youth. Be a frontiersman. Picture yourself on the Great Plains wrangling buffalo while riding your white stallion, and imagine yourself with a rifle in hand. Put on a cowboy hat, and like all smoking processes…wait it out.

Tip #5 (realistically it should be the #1 tip): Make use of your time.

Smoking takes time and commitment, so get creative yet again. I was up at 7:30 A.M. to make these, so I needed to kill time before the football game and what better way to that than to make some sauce. Get creative. Use what you got and then some. I found some Jack Daniels whiskey sitting on the counter. Cowboys and meat smokers drink whiskey, so if you don’t already drink whiskey, then get on it. Take the Jack, add some honey to sweeten it up, ketchup, more brown sugar, salt, and black pepper to taste. Find the right balance. With all sauces I make, I eyeball my measurements. Feel the love. Was the old frontier measured out? The answer is no. And neither should sauce ingredients.

Tip #6: Glaze and eat.

Take that creative sauce and glaze up those legs. You have now created the perfect blend of sweet and spicy, meaty and smoky, new world and the old frontier. Share with friends. Unless you can eat 30 pounds of turkey legs, then more power to you.

Tip #7: Create your own style of eating turkey legs.

The forehand grip is a classic. But, get crazy with the backhand power grip to maximize bite-ability and the aura of manliness. Chicks dig the backhand power grip.

Tip #8: Be a man.

As always, be manly when eating smoked meats. Get loud. Battle cries are a good option. Let the skin and meat hang from your jaw, chew with your mouth open, let the sauce cover your face. Eat every morsel off the bone. Hell, eat the bone. Don’t leave scraps; your friends will ridicule you. You have to hunt for your own food in the Wild West, so eat it all. After every meaty morsel is scavenged off of the bone, start screaming “BONE YARD,” spike the bone into the ground, your friends will follow along and you will have created a smoked turkey legs bone yard.

Tip #9: Keep being a man.

Welcome to the Bone yard, men. Reflect on the wild frontier. Spend the rest of the day being a man, admiring the bone yard, and embracing the Wild Wild West.